1985
Bill Leslie, Terry Lofton
Linda (Michelle Meyer) is attacked and raped by a gang of construction workers. A figure driving a brown hearse and sporting a black motorcycle helmet begins rolling around the small Texas town where the crime took place and dispatching the men responsible (and a few unrelated people for some reason) with a nail gun. After a number of deaths, the sheriff finally puts two and two together, especially since the mad nailer also appears to be a woman. Who could the killer possibly be? I guarantee your answer will be wrong.
Nail Gun Massacre is about as cheap and incompetent as you could get and still have something with (mild) narrative cohesion. I’m still not sure why the killer chooses their victims, if it was just the construction workers it would make sense, but seemingly random people also get targeted .For a slasher movie there is very little in the way of gore or even creative kills. The sound mix is so bad you’ll barely be able to make out what anyone is saying, most notably the killer, who delivers incomprehensible quips after each kill. When the best character is a shopkeeper who is obviously reading her lines from a binder that's almost hidden by a cash register, you know a film is in trouble. The big reveal of the killer is quite possibly the worst most inept twist imaginable. The real twist in the film is that despite its monstrous number of shortcomings, there is something enjoyably earnest about the whole thing. Yes, I’ll probably be buying the Blu-ray when it comes out.
Stop looking at me like that.
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