Night of the Zombies

Night of the Zombies (aka Night of the Zombies II)

1981
Joel M. Reed

When I’m watching a movie that is slow or dull, I try my best to stick with it. You never know when there’s going to be a moment that stands out or surprises you. Occasionally you are rewarded, usually you are not. ‘Night of the Zombies’ is unfortunately a not.

‘Night of the Zombies’ opens with a pan over a dreary winter landscape somewhere in Bavaria accompanied by a cheery speech from Adolf Hitler. A couple of men along with a Bavarian policeman are out looking for the remains of a group of American soldiers thought lost in World War II.  Within moments of leaving their tent they are killed by some Nazi zombies.

Alright, even a bad Nazi zombie movie has some trashy appeal, right? If only this were actually a Nazi zombie movie.

We cut to the Pentagon where the CIA is sending out agent Nick Monroe (Jamie Gillis) to find the missing men and a canister of Gamma 693, a secret chemical that was going to be tested on the Germans during World War II. He takes along Dr. Clarence Proud (Ryan Hilliard), an expert on neutralizing the chemical and Dr. Proud’s neice, Susan (Samantha Grey) an expert on nothing at all and I have no clue why they would drag her on a dangerous mission.  Nick spends most of the movie strolling around a city in Germany talking to fat guys and creepily asking a prostitute to strip. Somehow they end up out in the same forest only to discover there are not only zombie German soldiers but American ones as well. And to paraphrase these zombies slightly, they have a plan to rule the universe.

The main thing to know about ‘Night of the Zombies’ is: It looks cheap, it’s boring and badly acted. You can probably stop there, but if you’re foolhardy like me, you’ll keep watching because it does steadily get better as it goes on. The problem is, that it begins so abysmally, rising to mediocre is the best you could possibly hope for.

There are a few sparks of humor here and there, and I’ll give any movie some credit for coming up with a non-traditional take on the zombie.  But for every small gain there are a dozen glaringly stupid moments, like Nick fooling the zombies by dressing up like them, and by dressing up like them I mean he puts on some eye shadow to fool a bunch of grey faced, decaying monsters. It’s also revealed that the Americans and the Germans fight battles in the woods to stay sharp for their eventual war with the universe. Where do they get the ammo? Why hasn’t someone noticed artillery going off in the woods every night?

Probably not worth your time unless you really really really like zombies.